Uncle Daddy.

I never knew I would be the woman whose child has a step father, and an alive and healthy father. My son was supposed to have stability and love and empowerment from a two-parent foundation.

And here, life has brought him a third parent. A man who has, with time and with love, filled a difficult pair of shoes. One that doesn't fit the first couple times you wear it, but it becomes your everyday style eventually. I remember the overwhelming fear of rejection I put myself through when I introduced him to my son. I felt heavy shame for being in this position in the first place combined with the gravity of this meeting - “if this doesn't go well, I cannot pursue a future with him”.

My son is loud, energetic and simultaneously sensitive and intuitive. Extremely emotional and unevenly tempered. But man, is he brilliant. I am in awe when I listen to him reason out loud and he understands others' energy. Sajiv Leo was the best part of me at the time and what I had to show for my hard work. I had him young and afraid and here he was, my living testament of love and reality. I was hoping my potential life partner would see all these things right away, and I expected him to. He often asked me why I got so defensive when he brought up my son, and I couldn't help it at the time. I had to protect my child but I wanted them to love each other  to validate my choices. An unfair burden I needed both of them to bear. I quickly learned that it wouldn't happen that way.

And of course, the side he saw was the tantrums. The outbursts of outrage and microaggressions in defense of his own father. And this man was working through emotions of his own - stepping into a new territory of immediate responsibility and selflessness that he's never experienced before. A step father. And I was pregnant shortly after with a child of our own. A biological father. What a life.

I remember the first time he took care of Sajiv without me. He called me shortly after I left, asking me if Saj knows how to wipe his own butt because he was asking for help and I hysterically laughed when I heard the panic in his voice. They went to Chuck E Cheese and they took a picture together and he said he was an angel - something that he rarely was in those days amongst all the changes in his little life. I still have that picture.  Alongside 100 others that they've taken over the years as they have both grown to love and understand each other. It was the most intimate thing to witness over time - the moments that lowered their guards and heightened their trust a little more. He's spent more than half of Sajiv's life sharing the paternal role, from watching him transition to fully potty-trained to listening to him read store signs and cookie boxes.

I recognize him with reverence and gratitude for the significant impact he has on Sajiv daily and the pleasant surprise that life ended up being for us collectively as a family.

Happy Father's Day to the protectors, the fixers, the picker-uppers and the chiefs - by blood or by love. Here's to you.