As You Are.

It's inspiring, right? To observe the phoenix, now risen from the ashes. With wings of freedom and new beginnings in sight and flight. To be the lotus flower blooming from the swamp. Such beauty growing from the unknown beneath. But what about the ashes, disintegrated and burned into nothingness? And the swamp, saturated with darkness and monsters - what of it then before it births a lotus? It is customary of people to form opinions, and out of good intentions, share those opinions. It gets loud and confusing. "You are better than that". "You are worth so much more". People want you to be the phoenix and the lotus. To see you at your best, performing at full capacity. Laughing, loving and being the light that they enjoy. Extending helpful hands and showing that eagerness to be a good friend. They like your sparkly and short dress because it reminds them of your bravery and spunk. Your unapologetic, vibrant energy that radiates through the room. But when your fire dulls, does it invalidate the experiences of the other you? When you're tangled in the foliage under water or literally ablaze, aren't you still yourself? Still worthy and still good as you are. A work in progress that needs a moment to be. Not reminisce and crave those better times or force yourself to overlook the scalding of your skin and the water in your lungs. I always dislike myself when I'm not at my best. I know better, I should've done better, the situation is unfair. This is when I crave understanding, compromise and love the most. When I need to feel connections that make me feel human - not like a broken outsider. I keep telling myself that I was better once, but I'm just as much of myself in my tears as I am in my laughter. I allow the better me’s to pressure the brokenness residing in the me who I am. But I am made of those trenches and peaks. A collection of my own spectrum of light and darkness. I find it important to observe myself, feel my feelings and exercise discernment. Free from the pressure of needing to be at another point in my life and embracing that I can cultivate a difference within as I step into the next me. There is a unique solace in getting to know myself through all my transitions. The only certainty in life is that circumstances, emotions and people all will change. I know who I never want to be again and I know the version of myself that I enjoy the most. That's the thing about always being true to yourself - you trust your instincts and you're firm in your awareness. And whoever is around, you know they love you for who you really are. Even if the quality dwindles with time. That life changing love through all that life blows is what changes you the most. Whether it’s from the future you whispering hope or it’s the friend that reminds you of all you are as you are.