Energy Alchemy.

Have you ever experienced a contentment so tranquil that it heals? After many, many tumultuous years of brokenness, anger and resentment or complete indifference and nothingness. There is a shift in my environment, but there is a shift within. A version of me that my sixteen year old self never thought achievable. An energy transformation that turned most of my bitterness into acceptance - into love. I can be fearful without plunging into the precipice. I can be anxious in the presence of those fears but still leave space for the possibility of always ending up okay. I am in a newfound balance which reminds me that life is always experienced in the shape of a two sided coin. It reminds me that things can go right with the same probability that it can go left. I was filled with a darkness that surfaced on my skin, pulled from what felt like lifetimes before this one. Sadness so deeply embedded into my being that it was difficult to separate or escape from it. Now replaced by an illuminated self, made of stardust and poetry. I am the light that I could not find when my son had his first seizure, unconscious in my arms. The light that was absent when I went to therapy because I imploded after being convinced I was dysfunctional. I am the light that was missing when I cried to my best friend that I was losing my dreams for a second time. One of the beauties of being human is our flexibility. We have the capacity to experience all emotions on the spectrum, some even simultaneously. We bend, break, grow and flourish, becoming either a little more jaded or a little more passionate with every encounter. Our desires, surroundings and catalysts change and the good times fade into turmoil, but then those inevitable sprinkles of sunshine keep us motivated. We are alchemists of energy which changes under our instructions. Even if it is temporary, it is always malleable. We are so amazingly resilient with the struggles that we face and the people we choose to become after them. There is always hope for that metamorphosis to take place. Even when you’re packing your things, preparing to abandon the life you always dreamed of because it wasn’t what you thought. Even when you’re ridden with guilt because love isn’t always enough to make bonds of all natures less stressful. Especially when your rock bottom appears to sink lower with each new wave of pain. And that is a life-bringing notion in itself. The victories can be small and short lived, but so powerful that it fills you with inspiration. Like when your usually indifferent partner expresses a desire for your affection. Or your son willingly cleans up after one request. When you forgot to turn the oven off in time but the cookies still came out delicious. The joyous laughter that tickles your bladder and the devilries of life that bring you to your knees are all fleeting - but they return.